So a few days of moving into the whole erection problem thing.
1) going out to meet women: Despite a bit of resitance (or anxiety?) I went out yesterday. Im slowly planning to get into gaming again and picking up women but im not really "ready inside yet" so slowly putting myself out there with friends etc. to get back into it. need to just go and figure out whats with the inner resistance! Was with 2 good chick friends, some random chode-girl and a gay couple yesterday. The two Gays were funny, one of the dudes - a married couple - grabbed me after vibing for awhile rather teasingly by touching my cock just enough (he knew his arousal shit) at a certain point and quick grabbing my ass thereafter. It happened so fast and during a conversation where we where vibing and after a good friendly bantering and chat. A sign of basic unapolegetic masculine escalation with no scruples and despite not being gay i can just smile about it. These guys know the deal and outrank most straigh guys when it comes to sexual escalation. And they can be your best wing men if you vibe with them. Or biggest cock block if they dislike you. And they often hang around the hottest girls. Just firmly took his hand by the wrist, threw it away and said hands of the merchandise, which initiated one of the girls to start letting her hans explore my body telling me that i was cool and then stopping her sentence with a no she better not say that.. she didnt need too. Fun. I was not into her but clear sign of attraction, she was definitely make-out-ready and i could probably, isolate her, do a pretty fast escalation there and get very sexual of the bat. But shes part of my social circle and id rather just used her for pre-selection which is something i want to explore more. Using women to get hotter women that im interested in. The two chicks will be part of my going out crew as theyre fun and adventourous - good company. Already planned a trip in two weeks w. them and will super use them as preselection to bait other women.
2) Fantasies and my mind in the erection process - I played with a few fantasies today and got a mild hard on from it. so i can get a hard on from "fantasies. My mind is a bit fuzzy on the matter but i assume if i start doing it more - things will follow. Im still straight of a longer time stress thing and with some bad past sex experiences which seems to make my mind avoid the matter. Some sort of sexual anxiety maybe.
Anyway it proved to me that the erective problems with only rising on physical stimuli is not 100% Cut - which is an opening!
3) porn response - small but something there - Afterwards i tried a little with porn and there was an inclination. Might be due to the fact that ive been of masturbatuion or due to the fact that im partly working on an exhaustion-depression-kind-of-state im in these days.
4) various electric enegy sensations and arousal feelings inside my body - i definitely feel turned on and my body responds to porn. Sometime it feel like electric shocks in the lower regions and i somewhat feel like they cant get into my dick - lick they lock and explode? Secondly i feel arousal sensations, different ones for different things (eg young nubian girls vs older big tit ones etc) but i cant describe but will try to sense next time and see if i can cathc what happens in my body. and then i lock down. Even if i start growing if i change focus for 2 sec i go down again.
The continued plan
- Continue imagining sexual fantasies to get my mind into it. Try do find out whats going on in my mind when i go sexual and see why i cant get hard just autmatically by fantasing, wathcin porn or similar
- Continue the no masturbation thing except for once a week with fleshlight arriving in 2 days.
- Get more out and start picking up again. Im somewhat anxious about the bar scenes (WTF!) but i guess i just need to get out there again to up my game.
Cant figure out if i should fully stop porn. It might be smart to do so for ahwile - doing a full stop! Ive stopped masturbation for almost a week now to regain sensitivity. next step is to use the fleshlight for a more pussy like feel to rebuild sensitivity. not sure the porn stop makes sense - since porn is turning me on but not giving me a hard on. Im thinking theres something in my arousal that i need to understand before i decide to stop porn totally. Im not ready for a woman anyways so why bother. But thinking maybe the fleshlight and fantasies are the main path to move on while investigating 1) how my mind functions 2) arousal sensations and 3) erections and degree of stiffness.
Lets see...
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