So, the last few days I've probably been the most depressed I have been in my entire life. I was ready to give up. I don't want to go into that but, today, I had a mental breakthrough. This is life. We have one go at it. Sure, I've been dealt some really shitty cards, but I'm not starving in Africa. I have a below average penis, really bad PE and EQ but I'm not fighting for my life.
I also feel as though I understand my condition properly now. I was resigned to the fact that I have a venous leak. This almost calmed me. I thought "I'll get the embolization procedure and all will be sorted". But the more I read up on it, the less I thought I have a venous leak. (Note, I will be seeing a urologist next week to know for sure).
Well, I'm almost certain I have really bad pelvic floor imbalance, and from what I've read, people with similar backgrounds have the same symptoms. A big part of it is masturbation. When I was young I'd masturbate as quickly as possible, constantly kegelling so that I could cum asap. Now, I can ejaculate with like a 50% erection.
My pelvic floor is whack. It's tense and constantly kegelling. This, I think, is the key to it. Addressing this, I think, is the way I cure my soft glans and CS, as well as my PE. The two have to be interrelated. If I have a venous leak, then, yes, I'd get the embolization procedure no questions asked. But, I don't think that's the answer.
So my plan is -
- Pelvic floor exercises every day
- Running (I already do this)
- Eat healthily (I already do this)
- Trigger point therapy
- Light PE (I still want to gain)
- RKing as much as possible (particularly at times where I know I voluntarily kegel)
- Other lifestyle changes - studying while standing up, if I need to sit then getting up regularly to walk around and focus on RKs, working on posture.
Trigger point therapy, thus far, seems easy. I was playing around above my shaft and found some REALLY tense areas. Massaging them with circular motions sent feelings up my penis and in other areas. I think this area is so, so tight. It will get harder over time, but I want to control this area.
I know I shouldn't RK every day but I want to loosen this area up desperately, and then try to achieve more balance. I think I will respond more so to my penis, and adjust my schedule accordingly.
This is my new plan. I hope it works. Only positive things can come from it.
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Day 1
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